Do you ever want to extinguish those that you feel have warped your life? Are you ever tired of those that you must suffer for years because you were only a child? Children are often powerless in those situations. Oh, God! The infinite compromises that one makes with himself and with others that are never said and only exist in thought. They are so many that they could move mountains!
I'm very tired of thinking about my own personal hang-ups. I want to be free of the past and emerge into the future sword in hand ready to battle to claim my own life sans the grief and misery of the past.
One of those who I sometimes want to "extinguish" is my own mother. I find her a bit treacherous. Her love for my younger brother's father makes me keep her in that regard. I cannot trust her and I don't know if I could ever rediscover MY mother from before she knew him. I'm hardly depressed about this. I knew that I would have all these feelings. In general I'm rather insightful of things that are destined to pass in my future. FUCK, I am tired of thinking of this crap. ::sigh::
My only possibility of mental freedom is to create much distance between all that STUFF and the life that I want to create for myself.
That's my vent for this evening.
Later, blog.
11 March 2006-
My mom just asked me for $100 that she may go to New York........................................what the hell?! She's had plans to start working in NYC for more than a week and the day before that she needs to go, she asks me for money? Dear, Lord, please, help my mother, because she's behaving uncomprehensibly.
I just realized that there are only seven more weeks of class instruction. I was pleasantly surprised to realize that. I was sure that there were still eight more weeks, but I'm happy. I'm really looking forward to the summer session. and the rest of my time at GSU.
God, what should I do? Should I dip into my savings account and retreive the money for my mother and further disturb my finances? Or should I keep to my discipline and manage my money without external interference?
Please, God, I hope that you will find Andy worthy of a job and allow him to work at Six Flags Over Georgia this summer. He really wants to. I hope that the commute won't kill him. I was thinking that he should work at Martin's. The commute might stress him too much between home and Six Flags.
My friend, Chris, loves Madonna, which I don't really understand. Her music is okay, but I have to push myself to like it. One of her new songs is playing on American Eagle Outfitter's online radio. He's planning to go to NYC and see her in concert. I'd like to do something with him, but I'm too antisocial normally.
I took Ian to his high school for ISS: in school suspension. I didn't mind. It was fine to drive early in the morning. When I was at the light preparing to turn onto Cunningham Road, this car came behind me and its driver was too impatient and decided to go around me very bravely and made the turn to the left. I didn't care of course, that's just how I am. I found it a bit rude, but whatever, he was at liberty. I suppose that I do take too long to make my turns. I just like to turn safely and I'm never in a rush when I'm driving, so bully to him. He entered the subdivision and was leaving it when I had just got out of the car. That was a bit weird. Just desserts, apparently he hadn't need to rush because he didn't do whatever he needed in the subdivision. So, bugger him! LOL.
Later, blog. Perhaps, I will give the money to mom, but her mini-crisis is getting on my nerves. I want this crap to be over already and for it not to affect me as it did last semester, which was rather miserable. Whatever, I'm looing forward to better days. Screw the effing past.
-Aaron
